Are you again?

In the middle of this forest,

wondering how you ended up

after you started on a char-coal road?



Are you again?

Of the darkness that envelopes you?

Of the silence, broken only

by the cricket-ty bugs, by the ruffle of the leaves,

by the whispers of that stealthy air?


Look up!

I have sent you balloons,

Red, green, white, blue.
Floating, playing with the wind.

Raise your hand, grab one, hold on tight

And you will soon glimmer in light, up above the forest.

For balloons, can never be dark.
Its just a play of the darkness.

They can never be dark,
Its just the play of the darkness.

Thank you


Thank you.

Thank  you for judging me, yet again. I felt naked when you sliced me with your moral knife and looked at me through the befogged views of the people around you. That helped me to care much less about them.

Thank you for slamming that door on my face or else I would have kept sailing through life under an illusion that I chose the right set of people.

Thank you letting me know that I don’t exist for you or else I would always see you breathe. Pray that you don’t see me ever in your life again or else I will make you see the dark side of the moon.

Thank you for bringing out my dark side.


Weird soul


I am a weird soul.

On lazy Saturday afternoons, I would just look at you. Look at how you blink while you look out of the window endlessly. Look at how you hold up that coffee mug. Look at your fingers.

But some afternoons, I might not look at anything other than words. Words in the books, words in my diary.

I might be a man of family. But some days, I would need to be a child, caring a little less about how irrelevant things turn about.

I would take that step to mend our ties if things don’t go well between us, but some days, I would need you to tell me this,

“Come, let’s have dinner together.”

I might make love to you in a way you would remember, but some days, I might need to just sleep being wrapped around you.

I would, most of the days, let you have the whole day for yourself. But some days, I would need you, just for myself.

I told you. I am a weird soul.



If we were to go for a coffee!


If we were to go for a coffee today, I would’ve told you how I wouldn’t stop loving him for everything he is.

I would’ve told you how I would still walk with him even if his dreams, his desires, his beliefs change with time.

I would’ve told you that I wouldn’t stop admiring him for everything he does for people around him.

I would’ve told you that I wouldn’t stop loving him for what he will become with time.

And yes, you are right.

It is bliss.

The dark side of the moon


I don’t trust you. I don’t trust your words. I don’t trust the breath you take. I don’t trust a single cell in your skin.

Your laugh makes me sick to the core. Every word you speak makes me want to snatch that breath away from you that was lingering around your face.

You have taken me from a happy being to virtually empty.

Yes, you have emptied me like an empty box of cardboard which was full of stories. You have emptied me like a photograph with erased people and objects. And not only you, but you, you, you and you have pushed me down the dark gallows. Oh no, it was not you but in reality, me, who let you bury me. It was indeed me.

It is very easy to just hold somebody else responsible for your disturbed state of affairs, the easiest of all the tasks. Equally difficult is to own up to the situation and accept things the way they are.

You are not the people I would ever want in my life again; because you are not the ones I can afford to keep around me. I gave you something which I should have given to people whom I couldn’t identify were gems. I gave you my time.

A part of me had already died long back; another part has been decaying for some time now and I cut it, now, to stop the whole of me from perishing into the oblivion.

He woke up with a start, sweating.


Day One – My story


Saturday, 12th July, `91

I could see it on his face that he was too tired when he came back home last night.

“I am so happy to see you today!”, said he, seeing me at the door.

“Just today?”, I quirked, to which he went laughing.

As he came back freshened up, he held up the newspaper lying on the center table and sat on the sofa. All this while, I could not stop smiling.

“How was your day at office?”, asked he.

I giggled. I could not hold it back any further. Taking control of the situation, I coughed to cover the giggle.

“It was usual. Same old same old. How was your day?”

And he started his animated stories. I waited for sometime for his stories to end but seeing no end to them and failing to hold my story back, I walked to him and sat on my knees in front of him. He was flipping through the pages of the newspaper. Seeing me sitting in front of him like that, he stopped.

“What happened, Aayra?”, said he.

“Why are you smiling?”, said he, now with a hint of amusement on his face. Apparently, I was smiling ear to ear as I sat there thinking how to say it to him.

I told him, looking just at him, soaking in every expression on his face, his every touch, his words.

I told him my story.

Day Zero


Friday, 11th July, `91

2:00 PM


Waiting badly for him to come home today. I want him to be the first person to know this. Just cannot keep it to myself and hence I am confiding it in you, diary. I will soon be a MOTHER!

4:00 PM

Cannot wait anymore. Calling him 😀

4:05 PM

Did not call him. I want him to be in front of me when I tell him. I want to see him hear it, see him soak it in. I want to remember the way he will respond. Period. I cannot tell you how excited I am!!

5:00 PM

How should I break it to him?

Should I say something very special or should I just keep it free of any frills?

Just plain and simple.

“You are going to be a DAD!” . Just that and see the drama unfold 😀

Too excited. I cannot imagine I have another life taking shape within me. Slightly afraid too though. Will I be able to give birth to the baby?